Falling in Love: Allowed in Islam?

লিখেছেন লিখেছেন মহিউডীন ১৯ ফেব্রুয়ারি, ২০১৩, ১১:২৬:৩৭ সকাল

Our generation enjoyed valentine day and this culture from the non muslim. Question is arising in the heart but what solution I will made for this. I am a simple creature of lord and I have no power at all. I am not also an aristocratic poet or political leader. Who will hear me? But I decided , Allah swt gave few knowledge to convince my sons. This year valentine transferred from university to shahbagh area. Boys and girls are together spending whole day and night. Enjoying , singing , blogging with different kind of low graded talks. I have never seen also in non muslim society the way our generation are enjoying. Who are teaching them for these or they are the inventor? Where are the parents? If my daughter is delayed half an hour from school her mother is anxious and call many times or sending someone to find news of delay. Why those parents are not asking their beloved children while they are spending night outside? We are telling us muslim. What is called muslim or islam? if anyone declared muslim he must surrender to Islamic rules and regulations. This way he is muslim. In muslim culture a lady can travel with mahram(valid relatives). So if the wife or daughter staying outside with other people how we will call them muslim? Most of the children are marrying by love affairs now a days. Once a boy is asking if I don’t know a girl at least one year how can I marry her? Is it the definition of Islamic marriage? Lets look the below questions and how can we find answer according to our religion:

What does Islam say about falling in love? Is that allowed in Islam? If it is yes, how could we show that to the person we love without causing fitnah (temptation)?

Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Usually, we love for the sake of Allah swt and we hate for the sake of Allah swt. Islam teaches us that a male and female can build up a good relationship founded on marriage.We do not say love is halal or haram because it is a feeling. Maybe it is not under control. You can judge what is under control. But people who fall in love are in many episodes away from the cleansed and pure atmosphere.Marriages that are usually good and lasting marriages are those that start at the least affection. That affection grows after marriage and maybe it will grow until the couples continue their companionship at the Jannah (paradise)

If you have any affection towards a person, you should ask yourself:why do you like that person? If you have good Islamic, reasonable justification, then you need not tell that person of what you feel. However, you can make a serious plan to make him ask for your hand. If you want to know the meaning of fitna, a great part of it is what people nowadays call love or romance.In this context, we’d like to cite the following fatwa that clarifies the Islamic ruling on falling in love:

“If we are speaking about the emotion which we call “love” then we are simply speaking of a feeling. What we feel toward a particular person is not of great importance, until our feeling is expressed in a particular action. Now if that action is permissible, then well and good. If it is forbidden, then we have incurred something that Allah does not approve of. If it is love between a man and a woman, the emotion itself is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgment. If you feel you love someone, then you cannot control your feeling. If that love prompts you to try to see that person in secret and to give expression to your feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then what you are doing is forbidden.”

In Islam, it is not a sin if you feel a special affinity or inclination towards a certain individual since human beings have no control on such natural inclinations. We are, however, definitely responsible and accountable if we get carried away by such feelings and take specific actions or steps that might be deemed as haram (forbidden).

As far as male and female interaction is concerned, Islam dictates strict rules: It forbids all forms of ‘dating’ and isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex, as well indiscriminate mingling and mixing.If, however, one does none of the above, and all that he or she wants is to seriously consider marrying someone, such a thing itself is not considered haram. In fact, Islam encourages us to marry persons for whom we have special feelings and affinity. Thus, Islam recommends that potential marriage partners see one another before proposing marriage. Explaining the reason for such a recommendation, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “That would enhance/foster the bonding.”

This permission notwithstanding, we are advised against getting carried away by merely the outward appearances of a person; these may be quite misleading. Marriage is a life-long partnership and a person’s real worth is determined not by his or her physical looks, but more so by the inner person or character. Hence, after having mentioned that people ordinarily look for beauty, wealth and family in a marriage partner, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised us to consider primarily “the religious or character factor” over and above all other considerations.

Islam does not allow any illicit relationship between a man and a woman.Allaah swt has established marriage as the legitimate means for satisfying sexual desire, and through marriage a man and woman form a family based on the laws of Allaah swt, and their children are legitimate. In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. To have a boyfriend or girlfriend, no matter the level of interaction and involvement, is completely haraam!

Contact between the sexes is one of the doors that lead to fitnah (temptation). Sharee’ah is filled with evidence which indicates that it is essential to beware of falling into the traps of the shaytaan in this matter. When the Prophet (pbuh) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said:

“I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (885) and classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.)

This does not mean that it is haraam for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. But if it is because of mixing or looking or haraam conversations, then it is also haraam. If it is because of previous acquaintance, being related or because of hearing about that person, and one cannot ward it off, then there is nothing wrong with that love, so long as one adheres to the sacred limits set by Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:A person may hear that a woman is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her. Or a woman may hear that a man is of good character and virtuous and knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she may want to marry him. But contact between the two who admire one another in ways that are not Islamically acceptable is the problem, which leads to disastrous consequences. In this case it is not permissible for the man to get in touch with the woman or for the woman to get in touch with the man, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman contacts the man directly or if the man contacts woman directly, this is may leads to fitnah (temptation).

I think all of us understand basic marriage regulation in islamic way. We parents need to build our character in Islamic way by studying quran and sunnah. We parents will be asked in the day of judgment for our wives and children and for our wealth. A society will be developed if all of us are together. What is called society?

We have to live together , we have to earn something together , we have to help the sufferer, we have to build the society together this is called society. If we see an old lady we have to respect her as my mother, if I see a young lady we have to respect as my wife or sister, if we see a teen ager we have to respect as our daughter. We have to change our attitude to make society good. During the time madina when muhajir(inhabitants of makkah) migrated , the people of madina embraced them by sharing their wealth. Even if anyone was having two wives , divorced one and married with the muhajir. This was the culture of Islamic society. Islam is not establishing by talking , it needs practical application to meet the situation. Abdullah Ibn mubarok had one jew neighbor. Both of them has small house. Abdullah proposed many times to jew sell his house but he din’t agree. But one day the jew has fallen in financial crisis and proposed to Abdullah to sell the house . Abdullah replied not to buy the same. Jew was questioning many times you proposed me for the house and now you are disagreeing. Abdullah replied , when I was asking to buy the house you were solvent . now I cannot buy your house to keep you in false position. So take whatever money you need and stay in this house. This is the way Islamic society built. We have to go back and search formula from quran and sunnah so that all problem will be solved Insaallah.

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