Building bridge with children Mohammad Mohiuddin Patwary Senior accountant Saudi Binladin Group Jeddah

লিখেছেন লিখেছেন মহিউডীন ১৪ ফেব্রুয়ারি, ২০১৩, ১২:১৭:৫৩ রাত

My dear readers you are all enjoying about the present which is happening in Shahbag area. Our youth is our asset. In any country development is coming by the contribution of youth. The life of youth needs to endeavor and struggle for the building their bright future. Unfortunately our youths are used by so called politics and they are losing their life. Youth are the future builders of the country. But a youth if he grows without knowledge what he will be in future? The picture of our society is clear now. They are politically used for a little materialistic benefits and ruin their life. When a student passed in his student life without proper education he is burden for his family , for society and as well as country. A certain period of time he is not getting help from family. When he is seeing has no social prestige , involving in various crimes. A big percent of our current generation are derailed and are not controlled. Due to that the crime increased in the society such as adultery , rape , murder , theft and robbery. It is an open secret now a days even from long period a number of students or non students are earning illegal money from business people, from foreign residents , from passers by etc. society is not safe at all. People are afraid all the time for their life. The daily incidents are telling us , we are going back in ignorance age. In ignorance age people were not knowing Quran and sunnah. But the present situation is all are aware of modern civilization. Actually this is not a civilization , it’s more than barbarian age. We must control our children and teach them the basic knowledge how they can deal the society. Most of our old or new generation are not aware about islam due to non practice at home. Islam is not the divided all Islamic organizations in the world those are participating with modern democracy. Islam came from Allah swt. guided by divine book which is Al quran. If anyone follows it he cannot be a extremist, a raper, an adulter, a murderer, a thief , a robber , a mal practitioner or any other criminal. Prophet (pbuh) said any human being born in nature , his parents are driving them Christian and jew. If our children are guided by proper way insaallah they will be asset.

We have to search how we can find solution for meeting the social diseases to save our generation. I think we need to start from our family life which can control if we can build our generation properly because these are the people are going to be handle society later and this is Parent children relation. Islam is a complete way of life. It considers the family the corner stone of Islamic society. It bases the atmosphere in the family on sacrifice , love , loyalty and obedience. A family mean the traditional definition of it namely husband wife children and the grandparents together. Maintaining better relation with kids is not an easy task as their emotions are very much delicate and immature. Children do not interpret what they observe and feel but just react in the most spontaneous way to what they see. They understand things just the way they feel them. Thus dealing with them requires skill and maintaining proper and better relationship with children is a hard to crack nut. There are some suggested ways of dealing with the feelings of children and manipulating the relationship with them. Taking a bit of extra effort will make parents affectionately attached with children. Most important is to make them feel that you care for them, you love them and you consider them. This is the right way of achieving the trust of children and having a healthy relationship with them. Parents must use some technique to motivate them.

How does islam organize family relationship? Family relationship based on husband wife relationship and family children relationship. In some extent parents will play a role and children also play a role to establish the family. This is the reason family is the smallest unit of the state. Sura Roam verse 21 explained “And among his signs is this, He created for you spouses from yourselves that you might find rest in them and he ordained between you love and mercy”. Prophet (peace be upon him) said The best among you are those who are the best to their families and I am the best of you to my family. Once a man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and asked who is the person is most worthy of my good companionship? The prophet (peace be upon him) answered three times your mother then your father. That is the reason paradise is under feet of a mother and most of the children now a days are not respecting mother. They have wrong attitude , wrong feeling , quarreling with them and are not taking care of them. If they know without parents cannot enter in paradise surely they will take much care of the parents. Children must loyal to the parents. As Sura Lokman verse 31 explained “ Lokman said to his son while he was exhorting him O my dear son! Ascribe no partners unto Allah Lo! to ascribe partners unto him is a tremendous wrong. And we have enjoined upon man to be careful of his parents. His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness and his weaning is in two years so give thanks to me and to your parents for unto me is the journeying. But if they strive with you to make you ascribe to me as partner that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not , but deal with them nicely in the world and follow the path of Allah who repents to me. Then unto me will be your return and I shall tell you of what you used to do”. These verses clearly informing us the Islamic relationship between parents and children. It is a relationship based as we see in believe on Allah swt. and feeling that He observes all what we do and that we are accountable to Him. It is only the parents who do their duty and deserve this honorable treatment of their children. That is why when a parent came to the prophet (peace be upon him) and complained to him about the ingratitude of his son, the son said he was ungrateful to me o messenger of Allah before I showed ingratitude to him. So the prophet ( peace be upon him) did not blame the son but disliked the attitude of his parent. This is a message to all parents. Hence parent are the earlier born in the world , so they have much more responsibility for the children. If all the families in the society build their children or educating with Islamic culture , teaching them good manner there must not be crisis in the society. If we look or justify our society we will find the reason that children are not build under Islamic rules and regulations. According to islam children has some right over parent these are as follows:

Rights before marriage: children’s rights over their parent start before their mother and father get married according to islam. That is to say , one should be very careful with choosing the person whom he or she will marry because his or her descendants will continue through that person. Abu Aswad ad-duali who is one of the greatest Islamic scholar saying to his children “ I did you favors when you were young , when you grew old and before you were born. When his children asked how he did them favor before they were born, he said to them “ I chose for you a mother whom will not be sworn at” During the period a mother is pregnant with her baby, she must be careful about what she drinks and eats and about all of her attitude and actions , because whatever she does during pregnancy certainly affects her baby and the baby develops accordingly. A mother must be careful till the delivery and after delivery till to be grown up.

Giving a nice name: After a child has come to the world through birth , the childs right over parent continue to exist. It is sunnah to recite call to prayer (Adhan) to the new born right ear and iqama to the left ear. The Prophet (pbuh) reported to have recited adhan to his grandson Hassan’s ear. When the messenger of Allah encountered a child , he uttered these words “ O Allah! Make this child one of those who are virtuous and who fear Allah and bring the child up in a nice way”. The second duty of parents for their children after birth is giving a nice and appropriate name for their children because a name is very important for people. As a matter of fact the Prophet( PBUH) said “ one of the rights of children over their parents is being given a nice name and having a good education. You will be called out with your names and your fathers names on the day of judgment. So give nice names to your children” Hazrat Ali narrates how his first son was named: “ when my first son was born , I named him “Harb” which meant war. The messenger of Allah came and said , show the baby to me, what did you name him? We said that we named him harb. He said no, his name is Hassan”

A good education and discipline: Another right of children over their parents is receiving a good education. Educating and disciplining children and preparing them for the future is one of the duties of parents. Parents are responsible for not only feeding and dressing their children but also for providing them with a good education. Families play an important role in children’s education. Education starts at family . why they will build because today’s child is the father of future. Fathers are the primary people who are responsible for the education of children. They are held responsible for this by Allah. It is stated in the Quran that fathers who did not fulfill this responsibility will be the ones in the worst situation and the most devastated fathers in the day of judgment. Sura Tagabun verse 15 explained “ your riches and your children may be but a trial but in the presence of Allah , is the highest reward” . The trial mentioned in this verse for fathers is not only about meeting their children’s physical needs but also providing them with a good education” A father is the one who is responsible for his family members both in the world and in the hereafter. His responsibility for disciplining his children can be fulfilled by preparing them very well for life and bringing up them well enough so that they can fulfill their own responsibilities as well. Teaching children merely religion or merely professions is not a good education. It is incomplete education and most of the parents are in this category.

Treating children well: it is one of the children’s rights over their parents to be treated well. It is wrong to beat children in order to discipline and educate them. However, it is essential to give them the feeling that they will be punished if they do something wrong. Parents should approach their children understandingly, mercifully, and affectionately while educating them in the family. When a child does something wrong for the first time parents should explain very well give the reason for understanding why it is wrong? If they start to do again and again then try to make light punishment. Truth should be explained to children by simplifying the subject to the degree the children can understand. Simplifying subjects and explaining them to young people in a way that they can understand is an important factor for education to be successful. It is necessary because the religious truths are usually abstract. They are not easy to understand and comprehend. For this reason we should make matters easier for them to understand by making use of examples, following the method of Quran , The Prophet (pbuh) , Islamic scholars.

Treating children equally and justly: parents should treat their children equally and justly. This is a sensitive matter and most of the parents are not aware. By love , by spending there will not be any discrepancy. Parents must treat all of their children without making any discrimination between girls and boys and younger ones and older ones. This equality includes all kinds of interest and offerings for physical and material things. Unfortunately some ignorant parents today do not treat their children equally in material things and affection. As a result of this wrong attitude, children feel hatred each other and thus love and respect between them disappears. Not only that Some parents attitude are defeating the age of ignorance ( jaheliyya). These type of characters are hated. But Allah has given direction to mankind not to make crisis in the world. Having patients, giving them the requirements whatever needed but if they are pressing children to do something against Allah only the time to be avoid them. But it is better to pray for them to Allah so that they can have mercy from Allah. Numan ibn bashir narrates “ my father had granted some of his property to me. My mother amra bintu rawaha said I will not accept it unless you tell Prophet (pbuh) for this grant. Upon this my father took me to Prophet (pbuh) in order to tell about this grant. Having learned this the Prophet (pbuh) asked have you got any other children? My father said yes. The Prophet (pbuh) asked again did you also grant the other children same? My father said no. upon hearing this the Prophet (pbuh) said ‘ Fear Allah , be just your children! My father left and returned the grant. It is clearly understood from this hadith that anything to be distributed as Quran and Hadith described. As narrated from Hazrat Anas ® while a man was sitting with the Prophet (pbuh) one of his son come. The man kissed his son and sits him on his lap. After a while his daughter come without kissing her he let her sit in-front of him. Seeing this the Prophet (pbuh) criticized and disapproved his behavior by saying are you treating them equally by behaving like this? Unfortunately today many of the parents are doing unjust to the children which will be cause of entering hell fire. Many of the cases happened those are staying abroad. They are sending money to fathers account and father spending and distributing money to other children. When the son go on vacation finding zero in his account. These way social crisis increasing and they are hating each other. Those ignorant parent actually don’t know the logic and treatment of the distribution of wealth. Prophet (pbuh) said the best spending for the family. Many of the parents likes children to be slave in front of them. Insallah they will be slave of hell fire if it is not amended in life. But it is necessary for every muslim to make continuous dawa for this matters so that Allah can bless the society.

Marrying children when they are old enough to get married: one of the rights that children have over their parents is to be provided with marriage when they are old enough without delaying it is the best. Marrying children is an important part and significant matter of domestic discipline and education given to children. Because the goals of islam in terms of family can only be actualized with the help of good marriage. This is the reason Quran explained this matter in detail in sura Nisa verse 25: wed them with the leave of their owners (parents) and give them their dowers , according to what is reasonable: they should be chaste , not lustful nor taking paramours” And sura Baqara verse 221 explained “ do not marry unbelieving woman until they believe nor marry your girl to unbeliever until believe.”Express your emotions verbally.

Verbal and physical emotions of love and care make kids believe that parents are always with them. Tell them every day that you love them unconditionally. The knowledge that parents remain with them throughout the life will help them grow more confident and smarter. Few simple words of love like “I love you” have abundant impact in maintaining better relationship with kids.

Find time to spend with them: You can address your kid by any pet name but good name. a pet name will give him or her a extra affection and feeling to parents. Specially mother needs to give them time to breakfast , lunch , dinner and at the time of bed.

Respect kids feelings and choices: Parents must respect kids reasonable feeling and choices. This will generate a mutual respect between children and parents. Most of the children are fond of toys , cars , fast food , enjoyment of holidays. Few of the children like to buy books. It needs to be decided parents carefully to find out Islamic cultural center. If any wrong application coming from them technically needs to be motivated or the children are grown up must place the verse of quran or Hadith for their understanding.

Make them priority and seek their opinion: Parent need to make kids a priority in life. Kids are the leaders for tomorrow. It is through them the mankind goes ahead. They are the essential links in the community of human race. Every parent has to bear in mind this essential realization and should grow up the kids as responsible human beings. Teach them to have own opinions about all that is related to them. You can ask their suggestions whenever you take a decision for them. This practice helps kids to feel that they are people of importance at home. Good parents and good friends always. Parenting in better relationship with people is just understanding the kids and developing an atmosphere of mutual respect at homes. Ignored kids are found to grow up as social nuisance and anti-social persons.

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